True, it is all true. But it was not always the case. My childhood was, well, not so happy. I got picked on and beat up. A lot. I was never popular. I was never cool. I was very lonely. I am proof that none of that is fatal or infinite. Kids can be cruel, because they are innocent. You grow up, you get over it. But you don't forget.
To realize that at the age of 38, so far removed from that little girl and that sad time, that I can pull up those feelings quicker than you can say 'loser' is shocking to me. I am not a great communicator. I am perhaps not a great friend. I am judgmental. I am biased. I am extremely opinionated. Tact is not always one of my better qualities. To consider me a bitch, well I don't think I would disagree with you. Even with all of that, and with people calling me on it, I did not realize just how low to the ground I have been considered, by so many. I have to look at that, you know? I mean, I know I am a good person, I am worthy, blah blah blah, but to have so many think the same thing of me, and it is not good, I HAVE to look at that and why that is.
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"Be who you are and say what you feel cause people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind."
ReplyDeleteTheodor Seuss Geisel
Dr. Seuss
And that's the truth.
Dad
I am so totally hearing you! Your description of your childhood sounds disturbingly like mine.
ReplyDeleteIt sucks to have those inadaquate feelings hit you like a brick, when you need them least, doesn't it!
Hold strong my friend, hold strong. Remember, the only way to keep things in their grave is by keeping them buried!! When your past is dead, its dead, don't let it live again.
Easier said then done, but maybe if you need, you can talk with me to help keep it down.