40 Days In The Hole

Lent. It means different things to different people. Around here we like to keep it simple. We usually give up chocolate, or chips, or beer. This year I decided to give up a particular influence in my life in order to see why I liked it in the first place. It wasn't necessarily a vow of abstinence so much as a promise to soul search, though I did say I would avoid it. That lasted about two weeks.

That was my first sign. See, I was asking for signs. I wanted to know why I was into this, and if I needed it at all. So when I could not even keep myself away for a couple of weeks, I knew what a big part of the problem was right away. This is good I said, keep talking, I am listening.

Everything that happened in between then and now could fill a book. And none of it was pretty. I did bad things. I had bad things said about me. I lost some friends, some friends lost me. But I also shed a lot of baggage, which is always a good thing. It sure makes things lighter. I was shown how I had been looking for the wrong things, in the wrong places. I was also shown how very little I was giving. Thankfully, I also found support and friendship I never even knew was there.

So even though I did not fulfill my promise, I did get the answers I was seeking. I believe that had I stuck to my guns, I would not be half as content as I am now, as all that baggage would still be there under the rug, waiting for me to trip over it. I did not live up to my end of the bargain, but He lived up to his. That is just the kind of God He is. No choice is wrong enough.

Next year, I think I will give up Lima beans.