A Time To Mourn

It is a time for mourning. There is no time for mourning.

I am realizing that I have not had time to mourn. This might not be a big problem if I had one person to mourn. I have had five.

This might not be a problem if I had only myself to worry about. I have five to worry about. Five who are mourning.

So what time I do have, I have to divide between the five people I have said goodbye to. Or in some cases, let go of as there was no chance to say goodbye. They each get 20% of my mourning.

So I take that 20% and divide that time among the ones in my life who need me. So then I get to mourn each of them 4%. Or something like that.

You see my point though. One thing after another. One person after another. Nana died, and we barely had her buried when Jenna died. Then right after that I found out about my father's diagnosis. Then right after that, Jim died. Ok, by this point I am swimming in grief and cancer and worry, and trying to hold us all together. Then dad died, and the next minute I found out about Mike. More death, more cancer. Drowning, we are. Death. Cancer. Fear. Worry. Anger. Grief. Confusion.

I need time to mourn.