My countdown has begun. Really.

Most people start their New Years countdown at 11:59:50pm. Me, I am ready now! I am so really ready to be out of this year.

2009 is the year we said goodbye to a grandmother and great-gandmother we adored. We said goodbye to a sister-in-law who was far too young to leave us. In 2009 I turned 40, and on that day I learned my father had cancer and would not see 2010. We learned that my husband's father was sicker than we realized. We lost our dads, my kids lost both their grandfathers within 4 months of each other. In 2009 a man I called my hero learned he had cancer and very soon after succumbed to it.

It sucked. I have talked about it, complained about it, lamented it over and over, I know. But really, it really, really sucked. Really.

So what will be different in 2010? Nothing, really. The grief, the pain, the baggage will follow us. But it won't be 2009 anymore! 2009- the year "it" happened. And there are so many "its". 2010 will be an emotional car wash. A starting point for brighter days. The calendar doesn't truly change our lives. But it will for me. Much like a smoker schedules a quit date, I am scheduling a quit date for sitting in this crap pile that is 2009.

Ok, I am not a total pessimist. We had good things happen this year too. We are a blessed family, we have beautiful, healthy children. We have received many gifts and God, as always, is with us.

As I write this, there is a music video on the tv, perfectly fitting and timed so eloquently. The song lyric goes like this-

Somebody said a prayer
Somebody had some faith
Somebody finally hit their knees and asked for help for heavens sake
Somebody finally found someone who really cares
Somebody said a prayer

Can I get an Amen?

Yes, we have received all those good things, all those blessings. And perhaps I am being thoroughly ungrateful when I say it, but really....it sucked.

Goodbye 2009. Really.