If memory serves...

Tomorrow I turn forty. I have made a big deal about this here and there. I finally decided it is really just a number. Like 13, 18, 21 and 30 were. No major life altering epiphanies occurred on those days either. But I consider this to be a halfway point in my life, give or take a few years and the good Lord willing. A good time to measure my relative success in it.

I have done ok, all things considered. I am not what you could call an over achiever. I did not graduate high school. In fact, and this is a little known tidbit, I did not even attend high school. Yet I am so dang smart! I have attended college off and on. Consistency is not one of my stronger attributes.

I have survived a few divorces. A few of my parents', and one of my own. I left home very early, hence the not attending high school. I survived an abusive relationship, more than a few alcoholics in my love life, and a violent sexual assault when I was very young. I thank God for giving me the grace to forgive all of these people.

I survived drugs. I dabbled in things here and there, as I was always one to follow the crowd when I was younger, and sadly I usually chose the wrong crowd. Knowing what I know now, I am very lucky to have gotten out of that sort of activity with no scars, it was reckless and foolish. And thanks be to God, I survived a suicide attempt at 16. Impulsive, reckless, and let's go ahead and call it stupid. In a moment of desperation I almost erased my future.

It should come as no surprise that I lost my innocence far too young. However, I have no "regret" story to tell. Though I was far too young to act as an adult, I am lucky to have chosen someone I still call my dear friend today. Though I don't view the word "chosen" as any implication of wisdom on my part at such a young age, really I just got lucky, but I am grateful nonetheless.

I have posted previously about things that are painful to remember, things that still hurt today. But the name of this blog really defines it all- a miracle.

Today, I am