Since opening up a bit this week, I have been so touched and encouraged by the support my friends have shown me. Several have said they are proud of me. Support, love, "hugs" and encouragement, I expected. But pride? That surprised and comforted me. I have also let my husband in on the whole truth about how I have been feeling. I tend to keep things from him, from everyone actually. I realized the other day that I really do like to be taken care of. I spent the first half of my life taking (poor) care of myself, then the latter half insisting I didn't need anyone to take care of me because I was a pro at it. When I finally allow someone I love to love me back and care for me, whether it be in a monumental way or with a small gesture, I feel weight being lifted from my shoulders. (If only weight was being lifted from my ass...)
Speaking of "friends", I am a little saddened by the loss of one. We say "It's only Facebook.", but when the relationship of 7 years has been online only, it's not ONLY Facebook, it's the entire line of communication. It's over, they're gone. So it is a big deal to me. Mostly because this was a friend I respect, admire and truly care for. I have reached out, as what transpired between us hardly seemed worthy of such a cold severance, but to no avail. I guess it's just the timing. Maybe if I wasn't "falling apart" right now I could cowgirl up and dust myself off. I got along without this person before, I can do it again, right? And maybe I will read this next week, or next month when I am feeling stronger and think "What was I so upset about??". Maybe. But today it stings.
Good to hear that things are looking up. Sometimes we can become disparaged, thinking those minor course corrections aren't grand enough, but those little nudges can make a tremendous difference. Of course, I say this as a longtime baseball fan, and baseball is "a game of inches." The difference between a swing and a miss or contact, between a foul or a hit, between a homerun and a fly ball: all determined by a matter of inches. You don't have to win the game with one swing; just keep yourself in it. I know that all sounds trite, but I firmly believe that baseball is the greatest analogy for life.
ReplyDeleteAs for your Facebook friendship, I can entirely appreciate the value of a virtual friendship. My real life friends and I have largely drifted apart in the last several years. It's not their fault; it's hard to spend time with me when we can't buy concert or game tickets because they're expensive and there's no guarantee I'll be able to attend. So I've supplemented by reaching out to people online (such as yourself) and rely very heavily on that kind of social contact. It's not insignificant.