Took a much needed nap. First I dreamed of a long line of coffee drinks at my bar. Nice. But then I had a nightmare (is it still a nightmare in the daytime?) right out of that season finale of Alias where they jumped the shark, that I awoke in bed next to a stranger and had no recollection of how I got there, and it had been several years since I left home. Believe it or not, after that I still needed coffee.
Another friend has ditched me today. Now when I say "friend", I mean someone I know online, but is more than just an online acquaintance. People delete me all the time from Facebook, discussion groups, etc. I let others go as well. So I'm not looking at my numbers and seeing one less and thinking I have been rejected. This is a specific person. I don't know what in the heck is going on, but I barely have the energy to do anything but feel bad about it. Maybe God is telling me something. No one else is, anyway.
This blog is turning into Dear Diary, emotional vomit and petty nonsense. But it's my blog and I can cry if I want to. Neener neener neener. But if you read it and you care, thanks. :)
It's funny you say this about the personal nature of your blog, because I have recently begun thinking about how many of my posts are trivial things like reviews of movies, books and comics--like the world needs yet another fan saying what's great and what sucks. I still like to record my thoughts on those things (I don't feel like I've completed the viewing or reading process until I blog a review), but those posts feel pretty hollow relative to the more personal posts.
ReplyDeleteOff-topic, I belong to two different Crohn's-related groups, and of late I've begun to realize just how unimportant I am to those. It's not that I'm unwelcome; everyone has continued to be friendly toward me. When I was first diagnosed, though, I joined a social community dedicated to Crohn's & colitis (that has since been hijacked by malware and absent/indifferent site owners). I felt useful, "meeting" other Crohnies and helping the recently diagnosed make heads or tails of things, point them toward helpful information, etc. I no longer have that feeling. I just feel superfluous and unimportant, to the point that I've considered leaving a pair of Facebook groups dedicated to Crohn's. Funny timing, really, given that you appear to be losing contacts that I would now contemplate withdrawing my own participation.
Hey, Blogger came through!!
ReplyDeleteSince I wrote this and tried to contact the person who "broke up with me", other conflicts did arise which resulted in me "unfriending" several people. I basically let go of those I do not trust for one reason or another. It has been discussed among them from what I am told, and probably will continue to be for a few days, snark and gossip are the norm with some groups. But not a single person has contacted me to ask why I have severed ties with them. They can talk about me, but not to me. It makes me see how unimportant I was as well, but also reinforces my decision to let go. And I'm probably not done.
And you are important *to me*.