Yesterday...

did not get better.

We are not insured. It's complicated; there were plan changes, then company changes. We were under the impression that we would be reverting back to a previous plan we had, which was not a great plan but were were grateful to have it nonetheless. Some things didn't look right in a few places and it was confirmed yesterday. One of the things out of place was a Health & Wellness payment in the paycheck. Apparently we are given an extra sum to purchase our own insurance. But since I am now uninsured, I am now in that lovely "pre-existing condition" hell hole. With two conditions that, between them, will no doubt command care in the near future. I am not panicking, I will remain faithful. But I also know we have been in the ER twice and had two well child visits this month. Our pack of wolves at the door just grew.

Then, after an evening of calming and refocusing it occurred to me I had not heard the hamster playing around for a while. Yep, he died. We have only had him for six months. I know they don't live all that long, but they live longer than six months. We held Katie as she cried for an hour. She has never cried like that for anyone. Not her grandmother, our dog, her aunt, her grandfather, her other grandfather....you see where I'm going here? She's fed up. We all are. We will miss you, Khan.

I could be wallowing in a deep well of depression today, and who knows? maybe I will. The day is young. But sometimes I get the distinct feeling that if I allow myself to dip my toe into self-pity, I will quickly fall in and drown. Running through my head this morning is one of my favorite Martina McBride songs, a bit of which says this-


And you who wake to lights grown dim
and dark clouds gathering round
take heed from one who'll trust in Him
and met with solid ground.

If only with a thread of hope
bow down your head to pray
and through the dark you'll see a rope
and hear a calm voice say,

Grab the rope
and hold it tight,
through the darkness
shines a light.
Neither fear
nor feel alone,
there is One
who'll lead you home.

Music feeds the soul, and sometimes keeps it alive.

So, here's to yesterday. Being over.