I am not important

What a thing to say! Of course I am important! I am.

What I mean is, I am not important.

I am narcissistic. No, I don't have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And actually, I am pretty cool.

But I am not important in the sense that I need to be important. I need to stop needing to be important, and I need to stop feeling it is important to be needed.

Are you following me?

I care so much about what everyone thinks of me that I spend most of my time making sure people think good things about me, and spend very little time thinking of me.

Still with me?

In doing so, I actually end up making people think not good (a little artistic license please) things about me. Which I have no problem projecting right back on to myself.

Why on earth should I care what people think about me? There are people in my life whose opinions do matter, but they love me. And they will tell me if they don't. Most of the time, I don't need to wonder about how they feel. Most of the time.

It's the times I do wonder that start trouble. Why do I wonder? What difference does it make? I am who I am, and will be who I will be regardless of what anyone thinks. As much as I would like to think that is not the case, it is the case.

One of the best quotes on the subject of self is-
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' ~Dr. Seuss

This is great! I love it. Except...

...when those who mind do matter. And quite frankly, sometimes the ones who do matter, do mind. That is not really something I can easily fix. The people who matter to us matter for a reason.

However, the people who shouldn't matter but do, well that is on us.

That is on me.

I make them important. In doing so, I make myself one who is in need of importance. If the important people don't think well of me, then I must not be important.

Have I lost you?

It's ok, I seem to have lost myself too.