Why I didn't write this post yesterday.

If I had, this post would be rated NC-17. You would have thought I was a drunken sailor in a bar fight with a Marine. The colorful language would have knocked you over. I was, in a word, pissed.

Since 2005, when my former husband was killed in a car wreck, we have had a run of...well bad luck isn't the word, nor is misfortune. I believe that nothing is an accident. So let's call it challenges. Not that we don't always have challenges in life, or else it would be way too easy right? And not that the rest of the world doesn't have them either. But we had a few. Health crises, deaths. And of course, we aren't magically escaping this economy. But we are still here, we are still safe and sound, and mostly healthy. We are still blessed, which is what took me the better part of yesterday to remember.

Katie found a tick on herself last week. This is a good thing, because I know she is diligent and good about checking herself. She pulled it off and we disposed of it. Then Monday night, she informed me that she had a bullseye rash. I was calm. I was calm because I know Lyme disease is quite treatable, especially in kids. Why do I know this? Because she and both have had it. She was treated and recovered wonderfully, I was not so lucky but am also recovering, remember? Yet I stayed calm. We got her an early appointment yesterday, and Pat took her. I already knew what was going on, I wasn't expecting any surprises. So when Pat called to me to inform me that, yes, we have Lyme again, I lost it. Why? Well, I admit it, I lost it because life's not fair. I lost it because I felt sorry for myself, for my daughter, and for my family. Why us? Haven't we had enough? Cancer, gone. Lyme, gone. More Lyme, meningitis, Bells Palsy, gone. Well ok, the Bells is still here a bit. Liver disease, gone (don't I wish) under control. More cancer, again under control. This family, this house, has fought, and continues to fight.

Aside from thinking seriously that we need our soil, our paint, our air quality, our everything examined for environmental factors, I decided it's ok after all. This is an infection. I am monitoring a rash, not a machine. Not a ventilator. Not something far more deadly and ominous. I have friends, in life and in cyber land, who are fighting much more difficult battles. Am I listening for my son's heart monitior to alarm? Am I wondering where money will be coming from because there isn't a paycheck coming? Am I losing the love of my life? Am I burying a child? Am I losing my house? Has my child been grievously injured by someone I trusted?

Am I unhappy with my life?

Am I lost without God in my life?

Am I with nowhere to turn?

Am I without comfort?

Am I without love?

No.

Am I glad I didn't write this post yesterday?

Yes.