...I don't blog anymore.
I know too many bloggers. I know too many college students and English majors. And I feel like I need to "be a writer" to write.
Having realized that, I think I am over it. I am not writing the Great American Novel here, like one friend just did (Wow, you write a BOOK!), I am blogging my thoughts, experiences and basic goings-on. They don't happen in perfect composition....actually they do.... but they don't have to be relayed that way.
Today I learned that my twelve year old son may have been discussing a female classmate in a way that is way beyond ungentlemanly. Never mind how I found out, I will find my ways. But I intend to see it through and find out what I can. I can not tolerate this behavior. To talk trash about a girl, one you barely know, and are making stuff up about or any girl is reprehensible and I will not have it. If he disrespects one woman he disrespects us all, and mama will not be disrespected. I am trying to raise a gentleman. I am also trying to decide on how I feel about the fact that he just broke up with a girlfriend with "several friends nearby saying "Do it! Do it!". Lord am I raising an asshole or a typical twelve year old?
Speaking of breakups, after this one happened I felt sad for the girl. He started seeing her on the heels of another breakup of a seven month relationship, a very long time for his age. I knew this new girlfriend was not as special to him as the other girl, and I didn't expect it to last long. It was long enough to hurt her, however. And I felt bad for her, remembering the countless heartbreaks we girls endure growing up. I also know she will get over it pretty quickly so that's ok. But then it got me thinking about how they will relate to each other down the road- in weeks months, later in high school. Will they think of each other as "exs", or as a friend they once dated way back in middle school? Will it affect future friendships and relationships? I have no frame of reference for this. I moved every single year of my life, at least once. If I lost a boyfriend, no big deal as I would never have to worry about seeing him for more than several months. It's something I think I might find interesting to watch in with my kids even though most people might think nothing of it. I also wonder if this is what keeps me trapped in the past as I sometimes feel I am. I seek out old friends, acquaintances and look up people I knew only briefly, just to see what their life is like. Is this due to the constant lack of closure in my interactions and relationships with them? My life is certainly full and satisfying today, yet I am pulled to connect to the past quite often. I learn so much not just from my kids but from being their mother in the first place.
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It turns out that the only requirement to "be a writer" is...to write. So there's that. I dig your blog, anyway, for whatever that's worth.
ReplyDeleteOutside of my now-crumbling marriage, I was never in any relationship that lasted seven months; certainly not at twelve! (At that age, my only relationship was with Batman.) I've previously written about how, in seventh grade, a classmate refused to accept a rose I brought for her. That has stuck with me all these years (twenty of 'em, now). I realized recently that it helped establish a psychological barrier that has harangued me with girls and women ever since. I've been convinced ever since that morning that I am inferior to every girl or woman I ever liked.
I don't share this to exacerbate your turmoil, but because this is how that experience impacted me. I hope it's not at all the same for the young lady in question now. But you did express concern about placing this experience in some kind of context so that's what I have to offer.
Also, if I might indulge in a moment of armchair psychology, I wonder to what (if any) extent the recent woes of your other son may have colored your 12 year old's perspective on relationships. Has he expressed any particular bitterness or resentment over his brother's situation?
Oh, and on an entirely self-serving note, here's my latest blog post in which I touch on the topic of reconnecting with people from my own past:
http://travismcclain.blogspot.com/2012/02/transience-of-relationships-and-hope.html?spref=tw
When things started to go badly for my son and his wife, my younger son pretty much cut her off. That is to say, he deleted her from his Facebook. And for that age, that's pretty much the kiss of death. All he heard was that she cheated, the boy code kicked in and his loyalty to his brother outweighed all else. One interesting dynamic not mentioned here is my son's girlfriend's relationship with her own father. I can not give the private details of her life, of course, but that is a huge factor in how their relationship is being cultivated. And of course, there is our own model for him- our marriage. It is good it is strong and healthy, it is loving. He has many models to refer to when making his decisions, most of which I did not have.
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