History and the repeating of it.

My son's marriage is a wreck. Yesterday, he changed his Facebook relationship status to "single". What followed were several "haha" and "yeah, right" posts from friends and family. I, too, thought he was joking, looking to stir a little mischief. But I thought I better ask. I sent him a text- "Was that a joke?"

"Nope."

It seems my daughter-in-law has been seeing another man. I have not spoken to her, nor gotten the particulars. It's none of my business, really. At least not the details. But my son told me she has admitted to cheating on him.

I am stunned. This is a girl who talks so very frequently about the blessings in her life, how much she loves her life and her family. The girl who flirts back and forth with my son publicly all the time. The girl who, just nine months ago, vowed in front of God and family to love and cherish him forever. Yes, I am stunned.

As I am sure my first husband, Tim's father, was when I did the same thing to him. This is the heart of my angst at this point. My son's heart is breaking, and mine is breaking for both of them. And I have not yet begun to feel the weight of how my granddaughters may be feeling. Tim was a baby when his father and I split. I have one granddaughter who is a baby, but one who is five and is no doubt feeling the impact of this crisis today. I pray that she is being comforted and reassured in some way that everything will be ok. Even if it won't.

It would be easy to lay blame and adopt a "you hurt my baby" attitude, but I can't. I love her. I accepted her as my daughter a long time ago. And though I may not know what has driven her to this situation, I do have a pretty good idea how she may feel. I am fairly certain that not one part of her feels that this is okay, and she is probably hating herself even if she is covering it up with blame and anger for him.

And I wonder what he is thinking. Is he thinking that his own mother did this, and now his wife, and therefore all women will? Do his feelings about what I did add to his pain and anger? He has forgiven me, at least to the point of loving and accepting me in his life. Will he be able to do the same for her? He is a big guy, very tough exterior and not one to show emotions, but all I picture is my little boy hurting.

As a mother, a mother of a grown man, I must remember to step back. I told him as much yesterday. I am here for him anytime, for anything, but that I do not want to interfere or meddle. He appreciates that. So that leaves me here to worry and lose sleep and smoke cigarettes and pray and pray and pray.

I was shunned by my first husband's family when I cheated on him. I was literally dumped on a curb in the middle of the night when he found out. He kept my son from me for a time. I was judged and hated and rejected by the family. And I may have even deserved that. But that is one part of history that will not repeat in this case. This is not about my son, this is about a family. A family that I am a part of. And so is she. Her mother is dead, her father is not in her life. I can not see myself turning her away any more than I could turn him away. These are my kids.

Pray and pray and pray.