Are You There God? It's Me Shawnee.

Something is going on, someone is speaking to me for something. I am not yet sure what is being said. Some believe in signs, some believe in providence, some believe in coincidence, and some believe there is a reason for everything. I think I believe all of that. At least I try to listen if I think I am being sent a message.

The last few days I have been thinking of a boy named Max. Max died in June 2001. Max was 11 years old, out with friends enjoying a summer swim in the lake. His mother was a co-worker of mine at the time, and a friend. She worked with me in the emergency room, she is a social worker. She was so important to us in times of trouble and grief. She supported families who were in turmoil, then supported those of us who watched it all. After Max's death I found myself desperate to find the right thing to say to support someone who had been the one I turned to for support. I couldn't seem to find the right words, words comforting enough, or wise enough to make a difference. Having been on the other side of grief I know that even the smallest gesture makes all the difference in the world, but when you are desperate to make a difference, nothing seems great enough.

I decided to send Max's mom a little note soon, just to let her know I have not forgotten her, and that I still think of her and her family often. I figured with the June date fast approaching it would be a good time. Then just yesterday I turned on the news to see a story of a man lost in the same lake where Max died. I had no problem reading the writing on that wall, send the card. Reach out.

As many of you know, I enjoy listening to Christian music these days. It lifts me, it moves me, it reminds me, it calms me...and it is safe to listen to with kids in the car. Music is essential to me. Admittedly, I can not often sort out my own thoughts and feelings sometimes and often I will hear a song or read a lyric and I start to get myself a little more. So when I woke this morning to the news that an artist I love hearing lost his five year old daughter in a tragic accident, it broke my heart.

Again, I find myself desperately wanting to lift and comfort someone who has lifted and comforted me, and I am coming up empty. One answer is clear- pray. But that is simple. I feel there is something more tangible I am being shown, I just can't see it yet. I have a purpose here, we all do. Some of us know what it is, some are searching.