Long time gone.

Um, hello.

Clearly, I am a fair weather blogger. A "blog when I feel like it" blogger. If I have something I need to say, I say it. If I don't...

Since I don't have legions of followers and I am not making a living off of my blog, this is not an issue for me, and probably not for anyone else, either.

Quick catch up- School has started, as have nightly battles with my ADHD child over homework. So far, this year seems to be a bit easier for her than last, but then again we are just getting started. Baby steps. Football season has also started, we go to practice three times a week and one game a week. And we are still waiting on the boy's first win, ever. They didn't win a single game last year, and are 0-2 this year. Winning is not everything, but it is something and I am anxiously awaiting the moment my dedicated son tastes sweet victory. And the little man will soon be switching schools to enter a program for braniac Autistic kids, to work on his stimming behaviors, which are disruptive both to him and other kids. I have been walking my kids to the school on our block for years, so putting the wee one on a bus will be hard for me, but he is definitely up for it! And my oldest baby? Well, he just had another baby! I flew to Arizona to be with him, my daughter-in-law and granddaughter for the birth. Another beautiful baby girl. I fell so in love and my arms are aching to hold them all now. My husband and I have had a sort of renewal in our marriage. Nothing was outwardly, obviously wrong, but the last several years had worn us down and somewhat away from each other in ways we didn't realize. Let's just say that a little communication goes a long way. And a lot of communication and prayer? Well that can move mountains. We are in love like we were 16 years ago when we married. I actually get butterflies when I see him.

So with things going so well on the homefront, if you know me you may wonder about my health. There has been some big news on that front. Maybe. I recently saw another doctor for a second opinion about Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis, mostly because since diagnosis I have not had a single symptom or indicator of having the disease that could not also be related to something else. That and the fact that my liver doctor os not actually a hepatologist, but a gastroenterologist who has a sub-specialty in hepatology. So this second opinion is actually something I have been meaning to do for a while now. I traveled to VCU in Richmond and met with him, where he took a detailed history and ran a bazillion tests that I had not had done previously. (Red flag?) None of them, not a single one, was anything other than normal. This, along with all of the other information I gave him, led him to say that he can not see any indicators that I have the disease. I asked him if that means I don't have PSC. He wasn't willing to make that statement, but when I asked him if he had just met me with no history to go on, would he diagnose me with PSC, he said no. So it isn't really clear if I have it or not, but I have no indications of having it and I have decided to live my life with that knowledge. (While cautiously being monitored, of course.)

It was only in the weeks following this news that I began to realize how heavily this disease has weighed on me in the three years since I was diagnosed. How much it held me back from fully engaging in the tragedies our family endured in the months after. The losses we faced, the challenges we still face. I didn't realize it, but I had a sort of "short-timer" syndrome. My husband also realized that knowing what I was facing (even though we didn't) he was also detaching in many ways. realizing all of this has changed so many things. And even if I do have PSC, and I do eventually get sick, this is life-changing and we are happily moving forward in many ways!

Oh, I still have Crohn's. There is not a shadow of doubt about this. It still sucks.

So, with this renewal of mind, spirit, heart and soul, I figured it is time to renew the body, too. I have made this decision many, many times in the past. And I may have to make it again in the future. But one day, it will click and I will change and that day could be today so I have to keep on making the decision each day. I am always hesitant....ok I never tell anyone when I am trying to lose weight anymore because I am certain that they are rolling their eyes at me. I'm pretty sure my own kids do. And that's ok, I've earned it. I never announce that I have lost weight (4 lbs.!), I would rather wait until someone notices and asks if I have lost weight.

As I write this, I am in receipt of a letter from the radiologist who performed my mammogram last week. All clear! However, the verbiage leaves a lot to be desired. "We are pleased to inform you the results of your mammogram performed on 9/12/2011 showed benign findings (not cancer)." Ok, great! So, there were findings, they were just benign? If there were "findings", I want to know what they are! Benign WHAT?!?! Oh well, I guess big, bold, red letters that just simply say NO CANCER is too much to ask for.

I still make lattes. However I am having a couple of issues with lifting and can't lift more than 20 lbs. for the indefinite future so that may be an issue at work, and I am mulling over the idea of getting a full time position somewhere. Somewhere not in the service industry. One thing at a time, though....

Blogging? Maybe.