I don't belong here.

I live in a beautiful state. Actually, a Commonwealth. Virginia. It is absolutely beautiful country. Mountainous. Seasonal. Long, winding country that goes on forever. Interspersed with enormous metropolitan cities. We have beaches. We have mountains. We have urban, rural and everything in between. It's simply gorgeous.

But it ain't the desert! I have roots here, to be sure. But they are not so deep that I couldn't rip them right up and transplant them in the southwest. I grew up in Phoenix. I say grew up, leaving the impression that I was raised there from birth. But no, I lived there from age 14 to age 22. And in that time, the most pivotal things in my young life happened there, so yeah I "grew up" there.

I don't think I would want to live smack dab in the middle of that city again, not now. But going out further, up north or to the west? Yes, I can see it! I can close my eyes and feel the dry heat hit my face. I will never forget the first moment I stepped into the heat of Phoenix from the bus I took there. It was shocking and alarming. I never knew anyplace could be that hot! But that heat feels right when you are surrounded by palm trees and desert. It doesn't feel as hot to me as it would here. It's not about being a "dry heat", an oven is also a dry heat. It just works there.

Of course, when I was there I missed seasons. I missed leaves and sweaters in October and snow and fireplaces. But all I would need to do is drive north for a couple of hours and I would have all that. I would also have Sedona, and the Grand Canyon. And skiing. (Like I ski!) And I would have California so close I could go, and more importantly, leave in a day. Just kidding, California! Sort of. Living in Arizona, I can easily get to all the things I may miss by living there, but living here I can't get to the desert.

If you have a place you call home, you know what I am talking about. Nothing else will do. You feel like a visitor when you are anywhere else. I am certain this comes from my father. His home was the California desert. He was perpetually drawn to it. He went there to die. He wants to be there forever in the form of ash. He is home now. He no longer feels out of place. This gives me great peace. Perhaps this is part of the reason I now feel so incredibly drawn there as well, who knows?

All I know for sure is that is my home, and I miss it. Someday I will return.