Step One- Admitting We Are Powerless

Okay, okay, don't worry! I am not going all 12 Step on you! That system works for millions of people, but not for me. I have done the whole Al-Anon, Narc-Anon, Co-Dependents Anonymous circle of self loathing and self pity, and I am cured. Thankyouverymuch.

But! I am sort of addicted to the internet. So I need to address that. No, I am not powerless. No, I am not beyond control. But I do need to make some changes. Apparently. *ahem*

I am not socially graceful. I do not have coffee with my neighbor or talk over the back yard fence. I do not go to playgroups or "lunch" with the girls. I have never been in anyone's wedding, I have never been anyone's Godmother, I don't do "girls' weekends" with anyone. Either I am just not the kind of girl that generally gets included in those sorts of things, or I am not the kind of girl who chooses to be included in those sorts of things. Depending on the situation. No, most of my socializing is done online. Just as many housewives spend their entire day yakking it up on the phone, I tend to type it up online. Not constantly. I live in 15 minute increments, remember? But very frequently. So that it appears I am sitting here, all day, every minute, hitting refresh over and over, waiting for a reason to post. Or so it would seem to others. Apparently. *ahem*

Yes, I am basing my epiphany both on my own self examination as well as things I have heard from others. Clearly, between myself and others, there is a pattern of "Damn, you are online a LOT!" And even my husband has admitted he sometimes feels like an "online widower". Hey, I don't really like nature shows so yeah, I get online. I'm sitting right there, Geez! But no, he is right. Presence is not necessarily "presence". And if he or my kids feel like I am not really there with them, then I need to change that. And just a few days ago, an extended family member, whom I have no online connection to, and who can be counted on to tell you either directly or indirectly when your family is talking about you behind your back, said to me that I am "on that computer 24/7". Well, if she knows it, then it's being discussed. And if it's being discussed, then it's probably somewhat true. Again, the perception doesn't match the reality. And anyone who is talking behind my back is in a good position to kiss my ass. But I digress. The truth, however disproportionate, is in there. And I heard it.

So, how do I go about "cutting back"? Set time limits? Set aside certain hours of the day when I am or am not on the computer? I don't know. Get rid of some friends? That is actually not the worst idea in the world.

And what will I do with the time I am not spending online? Laundry? Mopping the floors? DUSTING?! Come on! This is not going to be easy.